I used to be a really nice person.

I did. I was always described as "a sweet girl with a big heart," but lately I feel my inner monster has been showing it's ugly face a lot more.

Maybe it's all of the stuff I've been dealing with the past two months, or maybe it's just me getting older and learning a lot about people and life, even if I don't like it. Some people bring out the mean in me more than others, and it's so not fair to them. It's not like they're mean to me, they just have personality traits that clash with mine, and that's not their fault.

So if I recognize this as a trigger, I should be able to control it, right? wrong. I wish it worked that way. Unfortunately I find that I say things before I have a chance to think about it, and then my insanely guilty conscience will regret it for the entire day, or days even until I can fix it. This cycle truly sucks. I say something, it eats at me until I am forgiven, and then I start writing blogs about wondering where that nice person I used to be disappeared to.

Well whatever the reason, I need to try to get back to that sweet person again. It's the version of me I really liked, and if I start acting mean again, and if it's directed at you (whomever you are) then you need to call me out on. I promise it will make me feel so bad I will be the nicest person ever to you, and that's what I need to be.